Steel Yourself

You've heard it a thousand times: the poor starving artist, it's a tough business, don't quit your day job, what are you going to do for money, what restaurant do you work at? Is it all true? Were our detractors correct? Well, maybe - maybe not. For some lucky ones, no - never. There are those who "hit it" right out of the starting gate. They got a play that led to a film that landed them a series, etc. But for most of us it isn't like that. Sometimes it seems like we get enough work just to keep us in the game. We have good years and bad. We get callback after callback but no job. We can't get an agent. We have an agent. We want a better one. We begin to doubt ourselves: How long should I stay at it? Am I fooling myself? Did I make a terrible mistake? What if I quit just before my "break"? On and on and on.

Then, if we start comparing ourselves to others, we're sunk. I sometimes become obsessed with tracking the careers of my classmates: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Kristen Johnston, Clark Gregg, David Pittu, Adam Sandler. Everybody else is famous! Why did I miss it? Am I a big loser? Where did I go wrong? There will always be someone who has a better career, more contacts, more money, more talent, who is younger, smarter, richer. Going down this path will destroy you!!

My career is my career. Your career is yours. And life is a curious thing. You don't know what is going to happen. You could be up one minute and down the next. But if we really are committed to working in the theatre, what's most important is the journey. We have to take care of the things we have control of. Learning to love and nurture ourselves when nobody else cares, taking classes even after decades of professional work, taking time off, learning to do something else - these are the things that are most important. I say all of this mostly for my own sake because I operate at such a high level of anxiety most of the time. It really isn't serving me anymore.

I've heard it said to be an actor you must have "nerves of steel", be "wiling to risk it all", have an "ironclad ego". This is all true enough. But actors are trained to open up, be vulnerable, express the darkest places of themselves in order to convey a greater truth. Vulnerability works great if you're auditioning for a Tennessee Williams play, but it doesn't help much with a toothpaste commercial.

So is it really money vs. art? No way.
Is it possible to have a fulfilling career without being famous? Yes indeed.
How do you hang in there? Practice, practice, practice.

And by practice I mean spiritual practice. Emotional practice. Working on yourself in therapy or through meditation, yoga, or any other number of ways. It's the journey that counts. I just keep telling myself that because, believe me, there are days when it is hard, hard, hard. I know this post isn't saying anything new. If you're in the theatre you already know this. But sometimes it helps to be reminded by others who are on the same road.

If you're really having a hard time, take a look at the services offered by the Actors Fund. Everyday they are saving our lives through their social services, chemical dependence treatment, HIV support services, housing assistance...the list goes on an on. Go there! Get help! And if you can afford it send a donation! They have a particularly excellent group offered several times a year called Money And The Performing Artist. Conducted by therapist Annette Lieberman (author of The Money Mirror), this group may just turn your head around about "surviving" in this industry. It sure did help me!

Lastly...be gentle and kind with yourself. When you don't get the callback, the part, the agent, the audition, just remember: you may have dodged a bullet! I remember something a veteran actor I was working said: "I've been in hits. I've been in flops. They all close!"

Good luck, bad luck? Who knows.When its right for you it will happen.

Strength to you,
Wayne