"Everything we do changes us a little, even when we purport to be indifferent to what we've done. And what we witness, we also do." - Joseph Chaikin The Presence of the Actor
In a little more than a week I will begin my participation in the Lincoln Center Director's Lab. The Lab is an initiative that has been in existence for, oh, I don't know...a dozen years or so. It's three weeks of intensive work focused on whatever plays/ideas/desires are in the zeitgeist of the Lincoln Center Powers That Be (i.e. Anne Cattaneo). I am perhaps a bit long in the tooth to be doing the lab at this juncture, but I probably won't be the very oldest. Maybe the second oldest. I don't know why age is such a concern. Suffice it to say for now that I am both excited and skeptical about the whole endeavor. But I guess it will be an experience.
My intention is to blog a little each day from the Lab, and leave my notes behind for whatever their worth. This isn't at all original. In fact, just this evening I discovered a very nice blog from a 2004 participant. Isaac Butler wrote a very charming and intelligent blog from LCT. He has a clear and honest voice. I appreciated his candor.
I guess I'm now entering a new phase in my career. I'm shifting from acting to directing. I've loved acting, it's been a great journey, and I am by no means giving it up. But it's become more and more difficult for me to do the work. I find the grind of going on auditions to be draining my enthusiasm for the theater. Actors are at their worst and most vulnerable when they're in an audition. Most good directors know this, and try to give some modicum of respect back to the actor. But until you are given the permission to fail, to not feel the pressure of a call-back, not needing to impress everyone in the room, not caring whether you get it right, there really is no making any kind of art. It's all an approximation. Can you be the character the director imagines? Will your resume be fancy enough to warrant your hiring? Is your agent important enough to call back? Will your presence in my show enlarge my power? It's all exceedingly seductive. And awful. And yes, Virginia, unfair. And I've been doing it for twenty years, and it leaves me feeling, frankly, bored. So I believe it's time to let the notion of a "fancy" acting career float away -- like a trail of leaves in an Andy Goldsworthy film. Going, going...
I'm under no illusions whatsoever that directing will by any more financially secure than acting. In fact, I'm certain it will be much less so. For every show there are several or even many actors, but only one director. And in New York, it's very often only one or two directors who get to direct the bulk of the shows.
I'm interested in exploring questions that are important to me. And I'm excited to discover a new path.
Here's what the lab has told us so far: re-read MacBeth, and find a play about religion. That's it. That's all I know so far. Oh, and they've asked me to give a presentation on Joseph Chaikin. I'll let you know how that all comes off.
On Wednesday evening, I went by the home of Judith Malina who was sitting shiva for her husband, partner, and co-director of the Living Theatre - Hanon Reznikov. Judith as lying down on a mattress in the middle of the floor. Friends encircled her in chairs, dropping down to give a hug, have a chat, offer a word of comfort. Needless to say, she is quite bereft. I reunited with some old friends I've not seen in many years including Ilian Troya and Judith's daughter Isha. I've drifted away from the Living in the past decade, and Judith took the opportunity to scold me for my absence. She's quite right. I've always felt a part of the company, but haven't held up my end of the bargain. "I don't care if you sit in the box office, or clean the toilet, or work backstage, or are acting in the shows. I'm not asking you to do anything at all. But be here. Be part of it. Come and support the work." It was a scolding I was happy to receive. It meant she noticed and cared if I was there. God bless her in the time of grieving. And for anyone out there that's looking for a theatrical home, come to the Living Theatre. I think it's time to make some noise.
Hanon's obituary appeared in the New York Times yesterday.
My intention is to blog a little each day from the Lab, and leave my notes behind for whatever their worth. This isn't at all original. In fact, just this evening I discovered a very nice blog from a 2004 participant. Isaac Butler wrote a very charming and intelligent blog from LCT. He has a clear and honest voice. I appreciated his candor.
I guess I'm now entering a new phase in my career. I'm shifting from acting to directing. I've loved acting, it's been a great journey, and I am by no means giving it up. But it's become more and more difficult for me to do the work. I find the grind of going on auditions to be draining my enthusiasm for the theater. Actors are at their worst and most vulnerable when they're in an audition. Most good directors know this, and try to give some modicum of respect back to the actor. But until you are given the permission to fail, to not feel the pressure of a call-back, not needing to impress everyone in the room, not caring whether you get it right, there really is no making any kind of art. It's all an approximation. Can you be the character the director imagines? Will your resume be fancy enough to warrant your hiring? Is your agent important enough to call back? Will your presence in my show enlarge my power? It's all exceedingly seductive. And awful. And yes, Virginia, unfair. And I've been doing it for twenty years, and it leaves me feeling, frankly, bored. So I believe it's time to let the notion of a "fancy" acting career float away -- like a trail of leaves in an Andy Goldsworthy film. Going, going...
I'm under no illusions whatsoever that directing will by any more financially secure than acting. In fact, I'm certain it will be much less so. For every show there are several or even many actors, but only one director. And in New York, it's very often only one or two directors who get to direct the bulk of the shows.
I'm interested in exploring questions that are important to me. And I'm excited to discover a new path.
Here's what the lab has told us so far: re-read MacBeth, and find a play about religion. That's it. That's all I know so far. Oh, and they've asked me to give a presentation on Joseph Chaikin. I'll let you know how that all comes off.
On Wednesday evening, I went by the home of Judith Malina who was sitting shiva for her husband, partner, and co-director of the Living Theatre - Hanon Reznikov. Judith as lying down on a mattress in the middle of the floor. Friends encircled her in chairs, dropping down to give a hug, have a chat, offer a word of comfort. Needless to say, she is quite bereft. I reunited with some old friends I've not seen in many years including Ilian Troya and Judith's daughter Isha. I've drifted away from the Living in the past decade, and Judith took the opportunity to scold me for my absence. She's quite right. I've always felt a part of the company, but haven't held up my end of the bargain. "I don't care if you sit in the box office, or clean the toilet, or work backstage, or are acting in the shows. I'm not asking you to do anything at all. But be here. Be part of it. Come and support the work." It was a scolding I was happy to receive. It meant she noticed and cared if I was there. God bless her in the time of grieving. And for anyone out there that's looking for a theatrical home, come to the Living Theatre. I think it's time to make some noise.
Hanon's obituary appeared in the New York Times yesterday.
